We asked our NextUp members to come up with some questions for the inimitable Grey Griffin. Check out her answers below.
1. If you were to start a cult, what would it be called and what would its top three commandments be?
Cu*t. The * would stand for “l” but people wouldn’t realize that and instead think that they were joining some fun sex club! By the time I made them wear Reeboks and prairie dresses while we waited for the spaceship, it would be too late.
1: Thou shalt not talk in the middle of me trying to play you my favorite band’s new single.
2: Thou shalt not FaceTime anyone in a public place.
3: Thou shalt not refer to your spouse as your “partner in crime”.
2. Who would be your double-act partner if you could choose anyone (alive or dead) and why?
My old boss at my telemarketing job because I’d just stand behind him making “jack off” motions and cracking everyone up just like I used to at “team building” meetings. (I feel like it really did help build our team in a way.)
3. What’s your top ‘life hack’?
Never order the special. If it were truly special, it would be on the menu.
4. What’s your best tip for budding comedians?
When you do an open mic, start with a joke that ALWAYS gets a laugh. That way if nobody laughs you’ll know this audience (of usually other comics playing on their phones) is not a great gauge of what is funny.
5. Whats the best way you have found for yourself to build up your confidence, on and off the stage?
Bourbon and never reading the YouTube comments.
6. What’s the most unexpected thing that’s happened to you during a gig?
I got a little too chatty with a guy who claimed to be a talent booker in the green room at a very sketchy club and he asked for my number. He then proceeded to text me incessantly from where he was sitting…right next to me! When he finally got up to the mic, I noticed his suit was covered in cat hair and he did about 5 minutes on living in his van.
7. If you could change something about the comedy industry what would it be?
I wish that people would stop referring to women in the industry as “female comics”. It’s so weird. Do we say “female pediatrician” or “female bus driver”?
8. Somebody asks ‘How do I be funny?’ In terms of craft – what would you recomend…
I feel like the biggest laughs always come from the audience identifying with a shared experience. Write down 10 things that bug you and ask your friends which ones resonate with them too.
9. Do you have anything else to add? An anecdote? A rhyme that you’re fond of? Cooking tips?
Use Golden Grahams for your pie crust instead of just plain graham crackers and always add 2 tablespoons of mayonnaise to your garlic mashed potatoes. Man…I can’t wait until I’m 80 years old so I can stop exercising forever and start eating like the glorious fat lady I was put on this earth to be!